THE CODE

BB Into Action, p.84   

Love and tolerance of others is our code.

This is the core message in the Big Book and many years ago I signed up to the way of living suggested in its pages.

A good friend of mine in recovery CHALLENGED me when said "Shay I don't suspect you have ever loved anyone in your life....... and I am not talking to you about all that romantic horseshit either"

He then set me on a journey to understand what it means to "Love"

Here is where it took me

Corinthians 13 -New International Version

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

and this 

Love

Is there someone in your life whose love you desire? Do you want to be important to this person, to be special and make a difference in his or her life. Do you want this person to care for you and be concerned for you in a special way.

If you do then open your eyes and see that you might be foolishly inviting  others to reserve you for themselves, to restrict your freedom for their benefit, to control your behaviour, growth and development to serve their interests.

You may be allowing this other person to say “if you want to be special to me you have to meet my conditions, because the moment you cease to live up to my expectations, you will cease to be special. 

So pause now and ask yourself is it worth paying so much for so little.

Now might be a time to examine the false belief that without this person you can not live or be happy

Perhaps  we could encourage you to go home and say this to this person whose special love you want and also ask them if they are willing to say this to you.

Can you say?:

I leave you free, to be yourself, to think your thoughts, to indulge your tastes, to follow your inclinations, to behave in ways that you decide are to your liking.

When you say this you are going to observe one of two things.  

a) Either your heart will resist these words and you will have to acknowledge,  clinging and exploitative motives............

OR  

b) you will say and pronounce the words sincerely, and in that very instance all control, manipulation, exploitation, possessiveness and jealousy will drop.

That is love!